What … were … they … thinking!??! I can not believe Sooz and Kaz have left me at home … by myself … overnight, not once, not twice, not three times but FOUR times in the last few weeks! And they don’t even bother to leave a light on for me at night … and they have locked me out of the office where the Christmas Tree and the 18-roll pack of toilet paper live now so I don’t have anything to play with while they’re away. I should have known something was up the first time they brought those big black things out of the second bedroom … which shall now and for ever more be known as “my bedroom”. I think they (they call them “bags”) were in the cupboard in there and they brought them into their bedroom and started putting things in them out of their wardrobes … clothes, underwear, tablets, toiletry bags … and every time I tried to help them, they shooed me away.
I tried to get in the bag a couple of times … but the same thing happened “out you go Nigey” or “what are you doing in there leg hound” … stuff like that. They have started called me “leg hound”. It’s a reference to a movie … “Christmas Vacation”, where the dog keeps grabbing on to Clark’s leg and Eddie tells him (Clark) to be careful because the dog can be a “Mississippi Leg Hound” … and yes, I know I do that to Kaz sometimes … but they should both know it’s a little hurtful for them to refer to me as a dog! The only good thing about them going away overnight is that sometimes Aunty Mejrem comes to give me some cuddles and a face pat. She’s really good at that. Mind you, she comes and does that even when they’re here … but it’s just special while they’re away.
So we’ve had something called “Christmas”.
This seems to be a reason for them to tell me not to touch things … but as I try to tell them, if you don’t want me to touch something like a Christmas Tree … you shouldn’t make it attractive – all shiny AND with flashing lights. Is it any wonder I want to eat it? They kept hiding it the first few days … they would have it out for a while each night with the lights on and then when I couldn’t stay away from it, they would take it back into the office … muttering something about me being “The Destroyer of Christmas Trees”. Come to think of it, they have an awful lot of names for me … and not all of them nice! But they are still wonderful as parents … playing games with me, not always trying to put the smelly filthy pink harness on me, not always trying to pick me up (because when they do I apparently do something they call the “Homer face” – and it must be pretty awful because I have seen him on the television cupboard and he’s not been out of his box since I’ve been here), and they keep buying me some very tasty cat food. I know Sooz sometimes finds it difficult to stand the smell (she feeds me in the evenings) but it is yummy … and sometimes I think the worse it smells to her, the more I like it. Sooz keeps saying that cats have an amazing sense of smell … even better than dogs … and that doesn’t surprise me because I know I smelled better than Bronte when I used to live with her and Chloe! They’re saying now that they’re not going away again for a while … and I hope they’re right … because who knows what mischief I might be planning in their absence!
Nigella ... 