Nigella …

Leave me alone … I say,  Leave me alone… Leave me alone … leave me… ALONE … Stop trying to pat me or play with me … can you not see I am in the middle of grooming here … and no-one needs to watch me do that!  Just for that I am going to put myself away … to play with the snakes, and bird-eating spiders … and whatever “I’m a Celebrity” (because really, aren’t I?) can throw at me.

I’m happy to be on this side of the screen though – and that’s how I can casually stifle a yawn when the snakes come on the screen behind me.  I don’t think Sooz and Kaz like me being up there in front of the television – perhaps they are scared the television will fall on  me … or just fall.  My Arch Nemesis Mimi did that … bought Mouse’s television crashing to the floor and they had to get a new one.  That was a while ago now though.  I think they made it so she couldn’t do it again … they’ve pasted the television high up on the wall near the ceiling (as I hear it). Bad, bad Mimi.  I would never do anything like that!  Good Nigey, good good Nigey. 

Things are still good around here although Kaz is still dragging her feet about getting the back deck enclosed so I can go out there.  I’ve told her I will keep the snakes to myself and not share them with Kaz and Sooz unless that’s what they really want.  I wonder if they would?

I may have been in the bad books with Aunty M for a moment or two there.  When Sooz and Kaz went off to Toowoomba on the weekend, they left me home alone … again.  It was a very hot day and by the time Aunty M came along I was a bit on the cranky side.  I’m sure Kaz and Sooz didn’t realise how hot it was going to be – or that I wouldn’t hang out in the bathroom near the window as I do most of the time – so they didn’t leave cross-breeze windows open for me.  So by the time M arrived I was hot .. and cranky.  When she went to say hello to me, I went temporarily mad and nipped at her… OMG talk about biting the hand that feeds me and gives me face rubs and is wonderful to me. But golly, who knew she could growl louder than me!  And that she can make herself so big!  Scary stuff.  But we made up soon after and we’re best friends again. She came to visit me yesterday before they all went off to Lismore for the day – and she came to see me again today .. so we are really all good!  

That will show them … don’t get me offside or I may take it out on the others.  That’s right.  I did it.  It was me. And I’m not a bit sorry that Homer and Emma in their pretty little boxes ended up on the floor behind Buffy (why do they call that piece of furniture that?) or that Sooz’s programs didn’t record because I had pulled the antenna cable out of the wall.  Go away and leave me for hours at a time will they?  Let’s see how quickly they try that again.  Well, that’s what I would say if I was some kind of ruffian and if I wanted to put the frighteners on Sooz and Kaz … but I’m not so I can tell them the truth.  I was tired and scared last night while they were out and I decided I needed some company.  So, because my dinosaur, and reindeer and the Christmas bears were all fast asleep, I popped up to see Homer and Emma on Buffy.  We often have long, deep, meaningful conversations – although admittedly they don’t say much – when Kaz and Sooz are out or safely locked up in their bedroom.  Well, last night Ho and Em and I were having a wonderful time and I must have fallen asleep up there with them and they – it was all them I swear – they must have rolled out of our Buffy bed.  I didn’t get to see whether they landed on their feet or not because the first I knew about it Kaz was pulling Buffy out from the wall to check to see if the antenna cable had come out … and that’s when I realised Homer or Emma must have knocked it out when they fell off.  And yes, Kaz, it is very unkind of you to suggest they might have been pushed … what does she think I am!  Oh … that’s right … she thinks – and puts it all over the interweb – that I’m a BIG-BOTTOMED GIRL … grrrrrr … she thought I had forgotten about that did she? Well … apparently not!  

I cannot believe they did that!  They told me they were going out to lunch and when they came back they didn’t smell of lunch at all.  They smelled of coffee and … sniff … sniff .. what’s that?  Odour of cat?  And  not just any cat … I’ve smelled that one before … on Aunty M … oh wait, oh no, tell me it isn’t so … they have been with Mimi … yes, that’s right that would be my arch-nemesis Mimi.  What were they thinking? Did they think I wouldn’t notice.  Haven’t they heard … oh wait, they were the ones who told me … that cats have a more acute sense of smell than dogs … and the only reason that they don’t use us for drug-sniffing at airports is that we would knock every suitcase off the conveyor belt! Hmmmm … that qualified them for a couple of days in the “sin binny-thingy” (Is that a thing?  If not, remember that sports terminology – or is that sports? – is not really my thing.) 

I can’t believe how much Sooz and Kaz talk about how hot it is … they’re right of course but neither of them wears a fur coat like mine.  So rather than tell them how sad it is, I just make sure I am where they are while they’re home because they always have a fan or the air conditioning on.  That’s why I’ve been spending a lot of time with Kaz in her office … while she’s sitting on her computer (heh heh – wouldn’t that be funny), I’m sitting – or reclining – on my pumpkin couch.  I love it.  And if she’s not there, or sometimes even if she is, I go in to keep Sooz company in the bedroom.  She reads in there and she’s also doing “Queer Eyes” at the iPad at the moment … and a lot of it. Otherwise, things are normal here.  They’re feeding me … and when they’re not feeding me enough, I have a bit of a chew on Kaz’s leg.

There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that if it ever came to a battle of wits and wills between Kaz and Sooz and me, I would certainly almost win!  Okay, I am just being modest… we all know I would kick/hit it out of the ballpark (I don’t play a lot of organised sport so I’m not quite sure about some of that terminology.). I am of course referring to what they keep feeding me for dinner.  Yes, I know I like those cookies but like everyone I want to mix it up a bit from time to time.  I think Kaz and Sooz object to the mixing up having to happen at almost every meal.  They do have two types of cookies they regularly give me and they’re okay and all but what they don’t realise is that I would like about seven or eight different varieties on tap and then they could surprise me at each meal.  What?  They did that already with wet and dry food and gave the different types and flavours ratings based on how much I ate of them and most of them came back in the lower single digits.  Hmmmm.  If I’d tried harder I reckon I could have had some of them coming back in the negatives.  “Leave it there long enough and she will eat it” they said, as if I wasn’t even listening!  I know they used to serve some of their other cats yum cha … I’m not sure what that is but it sure sounds tasty.  Although, and there might be cause/pause for thought here … they don’t feed those other cats anything now … they keep them in boxes up near the television set… and it’s funny but I can’t seem to bring myself to knock them off there!