Lock me out of the bedroom will they? Well, first they have to catch me. Yes, that’s right, the Mummies thought they were smarter than I am, but they are wrong. All I have to do is get under the bed and they have no way of getting me out … except with ruses, subterfuge, chicanery and down-right trickery … yes, that’s you we’re talking about Kaz. I’m surprised they hadn’t twigged sooner … while they’re out watching television now, when I know it’s almost time for them to take over the bedroom again, I just put myself under the bed … and sometimes they don’t even know that I’m there … and they go looking around the house for me … so they can make sure I am on the “other side of the door” when they shut it. I decided, though, that that isn’t fun enough so now I wait until Kaz starts bringing her things into the bedroom (yes, we know there are too many electronics living in the bedroom as it is, but they won’t be told!) and then, when I’m sure she’s seen me – I’m usually just hanging out at the en suite door, half on the tiles, half on the carpet – I just slip under the bed, making sure to leave my tail out so she really can’t miss it. Once I know she has seen me – she usually says a swear word because she’s worked out what’s happening – I just go all the way under. And stay there … and stay there … and stay there a little longer. Of course, they pretend not to notice and go about their usual stuff … the Sydney Morning Herald Trivia questions or name that tune or talking (they really don’t have that big a repertoire) and I just wait and listen and take a little nap … until I hear the thwap thwap thwap of the stringey thing hitting the floor on either side of the bed, and on the bed, and in and around the box near the bed. Kaz thinks she can lure me out with it … I think she calls it “catfishing” … she really has no idea of modern language – although I suppose it is a little like “the process of luring someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona” except she’s pretending to be someone who wants to have a stringey-thing game with me. To be fair though she actually does appear to be a softie because last night when I finally came out from under the bed, she actually did start having a proper game of stringey-thing with me rather than scooping me up and taking me outside. Sucked in! When it looked as though she’d had enough of the game, I put myself under the bed again. Thwap. Thwap. Thwap. If I hadn’t been distracted by them talking about the helicopter doing low passes over the neighbourhood I’d probaby (read: definitely) still be under the bed but I forgot just for a moment and this time Kaz did scoop me up and pop me out to the living room (before walking very quickly back to the bedroom to close the door because she knows I can run faster than she can!).
Nigella ... 